laughing while stumbling

so after posting the previous diatribe to the local craigslist i received more than 60 responses, including a bunch that were posted to the w4m board, all of which were promptly flagged and removed. fine, fine, fine. clearly i should have posted in rants & raves, though there is certainly a double-standard about men flagging inappropriate posts more often than women do on the m4w board. but anyway, despite the fact that this all played out over about 4 hours in the middle of the night, i thought i would summarize and re-present the responses, cause i think they actually say a lot.

Positive responses
Offers for sex	13
Asking me out	12
Non-specific positive response	20
Older men telling me they are great	3
Total	48
Negative responses
Assumed I am fat	1
Accused me of being stuck-up	1
Accused of being angry at men	2
Non-specific negative	4
Total	8

Recommendations that I pursue a path of personal growth 5
(my personal favorite category)
Recommendations that I investigate tantra: 3

so some of the responses were pretty priceless. some of the best ones were posted to the board itself, which i unfortunately did not copy or save. so sad...! but there was a ton of email. i share a few below. with, of course, my oh-so-delightful commentary.

1. Messages of hope
i especially loved the "expressions of concern" from readers. these gentlemen clearly felt a need to provide a corrective perspective that often included a "message of hope" for me. now--okay. in real life i would be very gracious about these, and convey my thanks for their concern. but the nice thing about this blog is that i get to be a complete fucking bitch. i don't have to play nice. so here's what i for real think of these comments.

this gentleman, despite an absolute lack of a sex (or otherwise emotionally engaged) life, feels well-situated to provide me with insight about what i "really" want and need:
I can tell you this ... you're putting all of your energies into the wrong places. Happiness isn't found by the way you're going about it.Of course, I know you know that ... but, I don't think it probably matters to you.I don't think "happy" is what/how you want to be right now. Sex doesn't make things better for you ... it just makes them worse.I've had sex with only one woman in the past ten years (over a two month period) ... and I'm pretty happy I just know that you seem pretty self-destructive ... for whatever reason. I'm not a moralist or religious or a prude or a preacher ... and I barely have a life so I can't give advise. I can tell you this tho ... it's not about what you take or get but, about what you give (& I'm not talkin' about sex). ... I don't know ... maybe I have it all wrong ... maybe all you want/need is to fuck. Somehow, I don't think that's the case tho ... altho, I think you try to make yourself & everyone else think it so.
i love how women who seek sex are inevitably marked as deluded, grasping, stupid, vapid, empty, etc. to be a woman and be sexual is--still, 40 years after the advent of second wave feminism--bizarre and disordered. so a man with no apparent life to speak of is going to lecture me about what i need to be happy. hubris, anyone? irony? irony, are you in the house?

also along the "let me help you out" lines is this gentleman. his helpful hints are so bizarre that i was actually a little freaked out:

Have you thought of looking into male escorts , I don't know if they exist here in Portland, but it would serve your purpose. I would imagine some are hot as you'd like and educated as any smart woman needs some good repartee before during and after sex. Also you might look online on places like [dudes looking to hook up with married women sex site] there are plenty of men who just want service women single or married, and they post pics of themselves...mostly rock hard and ready lol. [mind you, this is THIS GUY writing about the rock hard dicks. i mean--i have a total gay fetish, but this is creepy & weird.] And if you want to go black well there are a plethora of black men looking to hook up with a fiery white woman. [right--cause there's nothing i love more than treating black people like sexual fetishes. i'm sorry--am i the only one in the room who read franz fanon? plus i have actual black friends and like actual black individuals, and so don't really tend to reduce them to some bullshit racist fantasy of a huge cock. what fucking YEAR is this?!!?] You do seem a little angry and confrontive. ... Either way I would say Rebecca [he gave me a name to address me. also fucking weird.] you need to let go of the anger no one's short comings to lead you to be so angry. Obviously your a bright, educated woman, who is on the far side of attractive. Don't let an inconvience like not finding the right penis attached to the right man ruin a good day.

another kind man encouraging me to "let go of my anger." puke:
Kinda hard to follow that up with a good responce, so I'll just say hi and not all men are assholes,and let you know if you take a deep breath and smile you will feel alot better. Also I have had the same things happen to me so I know how you feel. I'll end this little note saying sorry that some of us men have to be such dickheads. Have a nice day and a better tommorrow and keep a smile on your face :-)

BTW, i fucking hate it when men tell me to "smile" and "have a beautiful day, beautiful." fuck you. how dare you tell me how the fuck to feel?!!? cocksucker.

2. Wherein does the problem lie? (or lay. i can never remember which one it is.)
Of course, I think the problem is that you've been going out with men that are just too immature, inexperienced, insecure..and..well, too damned young to appreciate you!
and who, dear readers, is mature enough to appreciate me? the man twenty years my senior!!! how silly of me not to have realized this. of course, yes, marriages with significant age differences certainly can work, i guess, but frankly i'd rather try my luck with an open transsexual lesbian threeway marriage. obviously gendered perceptions of desirable dating age is old news, but after having gone out with several men considerably (9-10 years) younger than me, i have to say that someone in their mid-20 is pretty unformed and for the most part not terribly interesting. i mean--there are definitely exceptions; one of the guys i met was one of those. i think i was too. but the other ones were still talking about college experiences and even high school as their defining social and intellectual context. i thank god for every day i get farther from 14, and this was no exception. but on the other hand, i'm really not interested in dating someone with waxy skin. when i hit my early 50s i'm sure i'll find waxy skin super hottt. but right now--no. sorry, old dude.

The problem isn't the guys you're meeting...the problem is you!!
at least this guy makes a valid point. i mean, hey--i went out with nine guys & didn't want to fuck any of them. he's right on the odds.

3. Solutions to my problem
this guy is the same one who wanted to be my thighmaster (see below).
Are you angry at men or what? After reading your post I have no doubt what so ever that I'd never have a chance with you, even if I had a beautiful body and was excellent at pillow talk. Hell, whenever I've gotten to know a Lady, the last thing I've ever wanted to do was get into her pants. I've always put more effort into becoming her friend. ... So if you ever want to talk or just want or need a guy to beat up on to relieve your stress and frustrations, let me know.
1. i'm not a lady, much less a Lady. in the early '80s, a bunch of crazy old political activists i know used to do feminist actions all dressed up in pearls & dresses. they would do mock counter-protests about women's rights under the banner "Ladies Against Women." i love them so much. 2. the fack that you don't want to get in my pants is pretty much the problem. i mean--clearly this dude has a particular fetish, and that's fine. but the point of the ad was that i don't really want to be your friend; i want to fuck your brains out. who missed that "subtext?"
2. you know what? i have plenty of friends. and if i were looking for an LTR than yes, friends would be important. but hey--i'm not! and if i were, i can assure you that you wouldn't make the cut, for friends or otherwise.

my favorite comment, mostly cause i loved the image & it isn't too far off from what i'd like:
it seems to me- no disrespect intended--your looking for a crew--a team that services a race car stopping for a pit stop.
well, yeah. that's pretty close to it. come over, service me, then leave. you got it. maybe i need to investigate a nascar-themed personal ad...

4. and on the apparent inseparability of sex and violence for men...

Man you are forward bordering on arrogant…..but if you want stimulation on all sides then I can provide you with such.
there were a few other posts like this. curious how being a bitch makes men 1. tell me i am a bitch, and 2. want to fuck me. it's seems like a relief that the rage can be properly directed at a woman who "deserves" it for being a cunt. the sad part is that i would probably have the best sex with those guys. if they didn't rape or kill me, that is.

so there was my hilarious and cathartic public bitch moment. perhaps next post: do i hate men?